Day 4 Bereavement Task 4: ADJUSTING TO A SINGLE-PARENT FAMILY

 

DAY 4 Bereavement Task 4: ADJUSTING TO A SINGLE-PARENT FAMILY

Prepare in advance: Treasure chest / memory box: Pick up shoe boxes in the store. Pictures, stickers, postcards, photos, to decorate the box (magazines, newspaper clippings: often there should be something about football, horses or another sport in it).

For the golden sun, copy the sun and smiley on two colors of yellow paper, yellow silk yarn (see example below).

Prepare a thought stone, a crystal for each child, for sale in a stone shop or World Shop.

 

 

Meditation – The Golden Sun

 

A little sun, as a friend in gloomy times, the sun can warm you. For example, when children have stomach pain, are sad or anxious, they can let the sun shine with their mind in the room, which can literally bring relief.

 

What does the golden sun do?.............

 

It gives light and warmth, and if you sit in it, you can also get a tan. We cannot live without light. Every person, plant and animal needs the sun. So the sun is actually a friend of ours.

 

The sun always shines during the day, even when it is cloudy and you cannot see it.

When we feel sad or afraid, we can place the Golden Sun in our room, school or wherever we are. If you are lying in bed and you are afraid or sad, you can do this too, then we feel better.

 

WE ARE GOING TO TRY THIS NOW:

 

A Golden Sun is above our heads……

He shines on us, that gives us a nice feeling……

Now we are going to place the sun in our thoughts in the room here. Just try it……

 

Let the Golden Sun grow completely big in the room or in the classroom……

 

Mmmmmmmm…….. Nice and warm and peaceful……

 

Enjoy to let the sun stand in the room. That makes us feel better……..

 

Just try it at home too, or at school. And also when it rains. Then you bring the light towards you, even if the weather is gloomy. The sun automatically makes you happy.

 

All the people who are in heaven are also close to the sun and the stars. Did you know that the sun is a star !?

 

 

 

Single-parent family

 

Mom and dad are divorced. Two new families have emerged from one family. If mom or dad lives alone in the house with the children, it is called a single-parent family.

For example: you live with mom and go to dad on weekends and holidays;

or you live with dad and go to mom on weekends and holidays

or you live with mom and dad alternately for a few days or a week (this is called co-parenting).

Some children do not see their mom or dad for a while, or not at all. That is very annoying. It is something that adults decide because of things that have happened. You cannot do anything about it and it is never your fault.

There are also children who no longer want to go to their father or mother.

 

What has changed now that your mother and father no longer live with you together?

 

Sometimes you do not feel comfortable with mom or dad in the family for a while. It is so different from before and it makes you restless.

Sometimes you are alone more often, because your mother has to earn extra money.

Sometimes mom or dad take care of you differently than before, because they feel sad or angry themselves.

Sometimes mom and dad continue to argue, even after the divorce.

 

How is that with you? ............

1. Do you still sit in the same place at the table?.......

 

2. Has mom or dad changed?.......

 

3. How would you feel if your father found a new (girl)friend, who could also take care of you?....... Or if your mother found a new (boy)friend…….

 

 

Memories

In your thoughts and in your feelings you can go back to how it used to be.

Good memories and nasty memories belong together. They are yours forever. Memories help you to bring someone you don't see often closer to you, by thinking about him or her.

 

Everyone has memories. Even if your father or mother left a long time ago, when you were still very young. That memory is often a feeling, somewhere deep inside. And sometimes, through something you smell, or a sound, or a dream, that feeling suddenly comes up in you.

 

And then you remember something that seemed forgotten.

 

What are your good memories when your family still lived together?.......

 

What is your most unpleasant memory?.......

 

If you don't have one yet, ask for a photo of your father and mother, so that you can look at them when they are not with you and you miss them.

 

Missing

What things do you miss about your ………….?

Who could you do these things with now?.......

 

What else do you miss now that your ………… is gone?.......

 

What do you NOT miss?.......

 

What do you do on his/her birthday?.......

What do you do on Father's Day/Mother's Day?.......

 

Life goes on…………. And your mom and dad miss you too, when you are not living with them at that moment.

But not always. When you are playing, or at school, you are busy with other things. And mom and dad have to work too, and need their thoughts for that.

Your ………. is only one thought away from you. When you think of him / her, then he / she is close to you again. Forever connected to you in your heart by LOVE.

 

Read story:

Little Wolf's Pouch – based on a story by Ineke van Essen

 

Little Wolf kicked a stone in front of him. He was in a very bad mood. Didn't feel like doing anything. Didn't feel like doing anything at all. Around him in the Indian village where he lived, it was a hustle and bustle. Everyone was busy preparing the buffalo feast that evening. "Little Wolf, don't you want to help bake the cornbread?" the women called out when he walked by. "Hey Little Wolf….. help me stack the wood ………," shouted the boys who were busy building the big fires. It seemed like everyone was happy today. Well, not him. Little Wolf really didn't feel like celebrating. He didn't feel like doing anything at all. And certainly not being among those happy people. Little Wolf strolled, kicking pebbles, to the river. Without thinking, he walked in the direction of the big plain. Far away from the sounds and laughter of the village.

Only when his feet started to hurt did he think he could rest for a while against the trunk of an old tree. He closed his eyes and wished that this day would be over soon. Little Wolf thought about the previous buffalo party, a year ago.

How different everything had been then….. That was the most beautiful day Little Wolf could remember.

But yes, at that time his father still lived with them.

 

Little Wolf felt tears stinging behind his eyes as he thought of his father. That was why he didn't see a large bird of prey coming floating in the distance. It was a hawk, and they usually stay far away from villages and people. But this hawk flew straight to the tree where Little Wolf was sitting, and sat down on one of the branches above his head.

Little Wolf hadn't seen anything. He rubbed his eyes with his fists and was angry and sad at the same time. Why did his father, the dearest father in the world, have to go away? His father who was so special, and kind and strong. Suddenly Little Wolf heard a voice. Little Wolf looked around in fright. Had someone followed him? He didn't see anyone. He was all alone.

But again he heard a voice. "Little Wolf, what have you got in your pouch?

Little Wolf looked around again. But all he saw was a hawk in the branches above him. And hawks certainly couldn't talk……….

 

When Little Wolf heard the same question for the third time, he hesitantly reached for his leather pouch. He always had it with him and in it, like every Indian, he kept everything that was important to him. It had been a long time since he had looked into his pouch.

 

He carefully untied the laces and let his hand slide into the pouch.

There was the picture of his father. When his father was little, he was called Little Hawk, but people soon called him Whistling Hawk, because no one could play the flute as beautifully as he could. Oh, Little Wolf would do anything if he could hear his father play one more time. It seemed as if everyone was enchanted by the sound of his father's flute. Even the dogs forgot to bark then. Little Wolf became proud again when he thought of him: his father…………….

 

Little Wolf was startled out of his thoughts by the voice. He quickly looked up, but the hawk was sitting there looking straight ahead undisturbed. "What else is in your pouch?" he heard the voice say. Little Wolf's hand felt the soft round stone that he had once found with his father by the river. He looked at it in pleasant surprise. He had completely forgotten about that stone! He traced the circular lines that ran across the stone with his finger and remembered again that his father had said then: "Look Little Wolf, these lines go on and on, round and round, there is no end to them. That's the way life is, boy. Just remember that." It was as if Little Wolf could hear the water in the river flowing again now that he had the stone in his hand, and as if he felt his father's big warm hand around his own again……..

 

"Is there anything else in there?" asked the voice. Little Wolf now felt eagerly in his pouch, looking for more. He picked up a large, oblong package, wrapped in deerskin.

 

As he saw what he had in his hands, he quickly put it back. No, not this, then he certainly would have to cry again. Little Wolf felt further in the pouch. He found a few eagle feathers and a drawing. He had collected the feathers together with his father. His father always knew exactly on which mountain edge the eagles nested. How often they had lain together on their backs in the grass, watching the eagles circling against the blue sky, and how many stories his father had always told him. About the ancestors, the grandfathers and grandmothers and about Great Spirit. He would remember those stories well, Little Wolf thought, so that he could tell them to his own children later…..

 

He picked up the drawing and saw that it was a wolf that his father had drawn for him. Little Wolf remembered how his father had put him on his lap and said: "My son, never forget that you have the strength of a wolf. A wolf knows where to find knowledge and wisdom, and he is a great teacher. Sometimes you will experience things in your life that you do not understand.

Difficult things too. Sad things. But you can always ask your wolf for advice and strength. And there will come a day when you are no longer a Little Wolf, but that people will call you Big Wolf, because you have experienced a lot and learned a lot with which you can help other people to understand the mystery of life." It seemed as if Little Wolf heard his father's voice again when he looked at the drawing. He did not understand much of it, but he felt himself growing strong inside. "I am Little Wolf," he said out loud. "I am Little Wolf, the son of Whistling Hawk."

His hand in the pouch also felt the shell that his father had brought for him when he had once, after a very long journey, been by the ocean. Little Wolf had never seen the sea before. But his father said that if you held the shell to your ear, you could hear the ocean far in the distance. Little Wolf held the shell to his ear and listened………..

 

"Do you hear that?" he called out excitedly to the hawk. "Do you hear that!?" His wish seemed to come true. Little Wolf heard not only the sounds of the sea, but also his father's flute. Only for a moment, and then it stopped. But he had really heard it! "Yes, you really did hear it," said the voice. "But there is something else in your pouch….".

 

"Yes, I know, but I don't want to see that now. Then I might have to cry and I don't feel like it. The voice said nothing anymore. Little Wolf felt in the now almost empty pouch and looked up hesitantly.

 

"I really don't want to." Again it remained completely silent. "Okay then, just for a moment."

 

Very reverently he took the parcel in his hands and unwrapped the deerskin. And there he saw the beautiful crystal that his father had given him just before he left on his last journey, the journey from which he had never returned. Whistling Hawk had given it to him with the words: "This crystal was given to my father by his father, and now the time has come for me to give the crystal to you. It will protect you when you are afraid." Little Wolf had understood at once that this was not just any present, but only now did he understand the value of this gift.

 

And he also understood why he had not wanted to take the crystal from his pouch. This had been the last present that his father had given him. A very last present. A farewell present. With the crystal against his forehead he dreamed away, and to his own surprise Little Wolf did not have to cry at all, but he felt completely happy.

 

Little Wolf was startled by the sound of flapping wings. The sun was almost setting... How long had he been sitting here? He jumped up and watched the hawk fly a circle above Little Wolf's head, dropped a feather, and then disappeared into the distance. "Goodbye Hawk," he said softly to himself. "And thanks again!"

 

Then he put his things in the pouch as quickly as he could, put his new treasure, the hawk feather, in it, and ran back to the village. In the distance he could hear all the laughter and the music, and he saw the glow of the fires. In a moment he would sit around the fire with his friends and family and eat the first buffalo meat. Little Wolf felt that it would be a very different party than last year, but suddenly he was in the mood for it. He hugged his pouch to him and walked the last bit to the village, where he was awaited.

 

 

What is your fondest memory?

 

Memory stone: What is your fondest memory of your father/mother who left.

 

Just pick a crystalline stone that you like. You can put the fondest memory of ……… in the stone and take it with you with a nice thought in it. We will put it in your treasure chest later.

You can also write down the most beautiful memory on colored paper, so that you do not forget it. (But it can also remain a secret)

 

And…. It never goes away! YOU ARE NEVER COMPLETELY FINISHED WITH MOURNING!

There is always a bit of pain, a scar left. You sometimes forget about scars, you do not suffer from them at all. But suddenly they can itch or hurt and you are busy with them again.

You can then immediately feel the pain from back then.

For example, when there is a play at school and both your parents are allowed to come and watch, but only one comes.

But that pain does slowly diminish.

 

 

CRAFTING: Making your treasure chest or memory box - treasures to keep forever!

 

Today we are going to make a treasure chest, a memory box for you……………

What would you like to keep in your treasury box: …………………………………

 

 

and further we add:

the butterfly, or angel, or star, your mask, drawings, your little sun, care notes, shell, tears, a feather, your crystalline stone and fondest thought on paper, so that this thought is not forgotten, your personal  instructions for use.

Photos, maybe a necklace, or a note with handwriting, a piece of clothing, a scent, make-up, soap, what was ……… favorite food?, what music did ……… like, what kind of books did ……… read and what films did ………… like to watch?

 

 

And……… It never goes away! YOU ARE NEVER COMPLETELY FINISHED GRIEVING!

There always remains a bit of pain, a kind of scar. Sometimes you forget about scars and they don't bother you at all. But suddenly they can itch or hurt and you're dealing with them again. Or someone asks how you got that scar. At that moment you remember it too. You can then immediately feel the pain from that time again.

For example, if there is a play at school and your father, mother and grandmother can come and watch.

 

 

BUT THAT PAIN IS SLOWLY BECOMING…… MUCH LESS……….

 

 

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This is the end of DAY FOUR

Give the Memory Box with your sweetest smile

 

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